I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize