ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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