I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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