New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
