And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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