I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
