Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
