Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
