Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
