I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
