You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He? As in you personified your dick?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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