She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
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