She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You ruined the universe
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
