there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Plan B is the new Plan A
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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