Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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