I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
