I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
