hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
