I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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