Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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