How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
