It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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