The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
