At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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