You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
