it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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