the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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