I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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