chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
