We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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