is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
