At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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