don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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