The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
