I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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