well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
