Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Houston, we have a squirter
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
