So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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