you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
