When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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