imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
