I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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