Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
