I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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