OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Randomize
