i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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