Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you would pick up someone in the library
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
