did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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