I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
