I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i came on her dog
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
