I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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