Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
