So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
