He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
