my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
