i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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