Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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