so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
