Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
