Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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