oh god the rape fog is back!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
