Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
