Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
