Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
