The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
