if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
