Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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