I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
