can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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