if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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