i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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