He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
