booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
