the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
FUCK WHALES
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
