I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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