I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
