she woke up with a sticky ear
Do vagina's smell?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
