so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
