New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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