AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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