My friends, they love my intelligence
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
