i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
