I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Your cock deserves a montage
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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