If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
