I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
