Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
