It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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