That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
