i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
MIDGETS
????
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize