how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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