It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
