i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize