I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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