Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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