you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize