I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
