Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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