I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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