my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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