ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
